The Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating after a Divorce
If you're thinking internet dating is just something that the kids are doing, you couldn't be further from the truth. Many people who engage in finding someone special online are divorcees ready to start over.
Divorce is never easy, especially after a long marriage which might have kept you busy with routine, from domestic to family related tasks. Once that routine and partnership are gone, you'll most likely find it hard to be as open and relaxed with new people in your life, especially when it comes to love and intimate relationships. If you are a divorcee in Spain, getting back on the dating scene can feel even more intimidating.
However, for most people, this is the biggest opportunity to start with a clean slate, since they get to be single again.
Ready to Date Again
After a divorce, people act in different ways. After all, you can't expect all the millions of people that get divorced every year to either sit at home en masse or get back in the dating game right away. So just think it through and decide whether you need to be with yourself or spend the time you now have on your hands with somebody else.
People might try to push you into finding a new partner. When you feel the inclination or presure, close your eyes and imagine yourself dating. If you feel excited and curious, then you're probably ready. But, if you're anxious, you'll most likely need to give the post-divorce period more time. For some, it's only a few months to start a new love life while for others it takes years. In both cases, online dating can be the easiest next step to take.
Taking Yourself Online
The chances of finding a new relationship increase if you expand your dating scene online. After all, how many singles, divorced or not, can you find amongst neighbors, friends or work colleagues? That number can dramatically decrease to zero if your divorce finds you in a new city or country, and you happen to be an expat divorcee in Spain, for example, looking to find love abroad.
The truth is online dating is not only reserved for people who have no other option but a perfecy tool for whoever wants to access more…options. Whether you are in your hometown or an expat divorcee in Spain, extending your network is always a good idea. Going online means you can still choose your date based on your location while, at the same time, expanding the search horizon.
A Quantifiable Chance
Divorce might understandably have cast you from familiar to the completely unknown territory. That is why learning a thing or two about the new online dating scene for expats first is the best approach.
Don't go into it looking for your next spouse, just have fun dating. There are online services that falsely lure you with promises to find a special someone within a certain number of days and weeks. Needless to say, love is not math. And even if it was, nobody can precisely predict when it's the right time and circumstance for you. While finding a replacement for your ex-husband or ex-wife may be your final goal, going online gives you a great chance if you don't expect it to happen soon or at command. You can enjoy dating platforms such as Expatica Dating Spain more if you're open to making new friends, business contacts or just someone to have a nice conversation with.
You'll probably not fall in love on your first date, but the strength of the internet is that it gives you more than one option. The best part of online dating is taking the time to weigh in possibilities and people. It might not have been an instant click when you met a fellow single or divorcee in Spain, but luckily, there are so many others only a few clicks away.
There Will Be Moment When You'll Want to Give Up
Getting to know more people via the internet comes at a price. In all truth, there are loads of attractive and interesting people out there that you would have never met otherwise. But they can lie and deceit, so as honest as you may be when joining online dating services for expats, it's better to expect them to be not. Talking to a complete stranger online has its benefits – like saying things freely and openly, without the pressure of the other staring at you – but that can easily turn into a disadvantage if the other person decides to toy with you.
One thing you should always do is check facts, links, and pictures when looking for love online. Having more than one common acquaintance is also something to look for to get more grounds to befriend someone. It might seem like a lot of work, but luckily nowadays services like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram should give you a better idea of your potential date's identity and social profile. It's better to be safe than sorry.
The Virtual Gap
You should realise a physical connection is different from a virtual one. The former is visual and sensorial while the latter tends to be emotional since it very much relies on fantasy and projection. When starting to look for a partner online, don't let it take too long before you have a first real meeting. Chatting can be a fun way to start, but lingering in emotional fantasy for too long will be a disappointing experience if that person turns out to be not right for you once you meet in real life.
Some people using online dating sites prefer to greet and meet, as they say. They don't make a proper date, but meet for a quick coffee or tea to decide if the other person is worth investing more time and energy in.
Usually, single divorcees meeting online chat for a week or two before exchanging numbers to have a real conversation over the phone. Depending on your style, you can either choose to contact somebody and meet soon, to avoid wasting time talking to someone unfit for you, or take your time to get to know the other person for a couple of weeks before inviting her/him out.
As mentioned, dating after a divorce might seem like a tricky mission, but expanding your search area online will yield results. Here is a list with tips and advice for single divorcees to ensure a rewarding dating experience:
- Invest time in completing your online profile, picture and text. It should transmit the right image and message about you.
- Be honest but expect that others won't be.
- Apply the 6 degrees of separation rule: if you don't find common acquaintances, be cautious.
- There is hope to fall in love, but don't expect quick results; instead, be patient and ready to laugh at possibly awkward situations and encounters.
- Don't give out personal info. Spend enough time (1-2 weeks) before giving out your number, and chat at least once over the phone before meeting in person.
- Get to know each other on the phone well enough, so that if you decide to meet, you'll already be comfortable with and like the other person.
- Don't assume your date is paying; it's better to consider going Dutch (in the Netherlands, it is not unusual to pay separately when dating). Who pays the bill largely depends on cultural traditions, education and social and economic background.
- Be safe. Choose to meet in a place you know well and consider using a safety friend, who can check up on you by text or call during your date.
- You may end up being disappointed if your only goal is to find real love. You will enjoy the dating service much more if you're also open to making new friends, business contacts or just someone to carry a nice conversation with.
- Don't take things personally until you're in an actual relationship. Only when the liking game on the internet transforms itself into a series of successful dates and a serious connection that carries on in real life can you say you expect a certain behavior from the other.
- Have fun while going through the process. Being a single divorcee is no cause for concern, but celebration. True love is never easy to find, both online and offline, yet looking for it can be a great pleasant adventure in itself.
If you are ready to get back in the game after your divorce and find love in Spain, join Expatica Dating Spain, and we'll help you find a match. After the quick and easy registration process, you'll have the opportunity to check various criteria that will allow our high-tech system to find the perfect expat singles for you.
Join Expatica Dating Spain today; help is just a click away!